Week one, day four
I was thinking the other day how nice it was that I’m not nervous about starting my training like I was last year. And then I had the dream.
Do you ever have anxiety dreams? They’re not nightmares, exactly, but I’ve had them occasionally when I’m stressed out about something. Before finals my first semester in law school. Before my wedding. Before a big day in court, sometimes. And a few times during training last fall.
The other night, I dreamed that it was the day of the marathon. It was somewhere by a river and it was pouring rain. I was there in old school fleece sweatpants, a hoodie, and some kind of random sneakers. No nutrition. No water. And I was late, so I had to start running right away until I got to a Walmart where I had to stop for water, food, and appropriate clothing. And a poncho. Oh, and somewhere in there was a zipline that, at the end, dropped you 20 feet into the raging river.
When I woke up, I thought, “huh, I guess my brain doesn’t think I’m prepared for a marathon.” And then, for the first time since I signed up to do this, I got that feeling in the pit of my stomach. That feeling of, what the heck did I sign up to do? What makes me think I can run 26.2 miles when I’ve barely made 13.1?
I don’t know. I’m sure I can do this. I’m sure it’s going to be hard. And I’m sure that’s not the last time I’m going to feel anxious. A marathon is serious business. Then again, I’m fighting for a serious cause.